How to Talk to Your Boss After a Bad Review

Dear Crucial Skills,

At my last performance review, my boss was extremely positive and gave me great feedback, and so I was horrified to later observe that he gave me a score of "below boilerplate" on the formal paperwork.

I arranged a coming together with him to find out why. That's when he told me I was disengaged, did not challenge myself, and did not collaborate well with others.

I don't believe whatever of that is true, and, even if it is, he should take brought information technology upwards during our initial give-and-take. I got angry in the meeting, so he read me a formal Hour statement about the review process and has since refused to talk with me nearly it. What should I practice now?

Signed,
Blindsided

Beloved Blindsided,

The short answer? Start over.

I mean that in the nearly encouraging way possible. If at first y'all don't succeed, try, endeavour again.

That said, I don't call up you should endeavor to get your performance review score revised, nor practise I recollect yous should try to convince your dominate that what he did is wrong. I do think you should effort to run into him where he is.

Here's why.

Information technology sounds like the interaction has reached a temperature that almost guarantees yous'll be met with resistance if you persist. Even if you succeeded in persuading him to change the score he gave you, it probably wouldn't mean much long term. "A human convinced against his volition is of the same stance still."

The fact that yous got angry and he's at present refusing to talk tells me this chat isn't going anywhere until ane of you restarts it in the spirit of good organized religion. And while you could wait and hope for your dominate to do that, the power is in your hands.

Here's what you can practice.

Focus On Yourself First

Y'all won't successfully resolve this disagreement if there are ill feelings in your heart, because any you are feeling you will stop up expressing, whether in trunk language, tone, or words.

In crucial moments like the ane y'all face, nosotros oft believe that others are the cause of all that ails us, just it's this belief that prevents us from communicating in a style that could pb to progress.

So, recognize that as much as yous may want your dominate to alter your review or confess he handled it poorly, the merely person you can change is yourself.

Get Clear on What You Desire Long Term

When conversations turn crucial, we tend to get carried away with trying to win, protect our beliefs, punish others, then on.

Such tactics are concerned with short-term outcomes, and achieving them usually comes at the expense of long-term outcomes that have much greater value. I suspect, for example, you don't go to work every twenty-four hours in club to become a good performance review or that what you really want is for your boss to "eat crow."

Then, step dorsum and endeavour to place whatever short-term desires y'all may have, then replace them with a long-term, healthy perspective.

Reflecting on the following questions should assist.

• What do you ultimately want?
• What exercise you intendance about—in the long run?
• What'due south worth caring about—in the long run?
• What exercise yous want for your dominate—in the long run?
• What do you desire for the relationship—in the long run?

Consider Your Ain Contribution

One more affair to reflect on: Are yous overlooking any means in which yous might've contributed to your situation? Have you done anything that would give your boss reason to practice what he did, regardless of whether you lot find his reasons excusable? For example, note the bit of irony in your question: getting angry at your boss may have validated his assessment, right or not.

Interlude: Internal vs External Work

And so far I've outlined the internal piece of work you should do before yous raise your concerns once again. This will enable you lot to reframe your perspective and get command of your emotions. When you've done this sufficiently—whether it takes you seconds or days—it feels like letting become.

Why? Because you volition have let go—of whatever story that suggests "he's wrong and I'm right" or "his beliefs is unjustified and mine's justified," and and so on. And when you've let go, you'll feel malice dissolve and frustration dissipate. That's when you know you lot're ready to talk.

You lot may also experience vulnerable. Vulnerability is a practiced sign. Information technology means y'all're about to take courage, non revenge or some other spiteful action.

Now, on to the external piece of work.

Apologize

You don't have to apologize for your position—it'south ok to disagree with your boss'due south assessment of your functioning or how he handled the review process—but y'all may desire to apologize for getting angry. Information technology's unlikely you'll go a dialogue going without doing so.

Here's what that might await like: "Hey, I've thought a lot about how I reacted to my performance review and I'm really sorry. I was incorrect to lose my atmosphere and I hope you can forgive me."

Now share the good intentions yous should have established when you did your internal piece of work—for yourself, your dominate, and your relationship. Conclude with a request to try once more.

"I actually want to do a good job here, and I want your honest feedback. I too want you to feel like you can give me honest feedback whatever fourth dimension. And I want to improve how we talk about this stuff. I feel our last conversation did non become well and I'd like to try again. Would that be alright with y'all?"

If your boss declines your request, it doesn't necessarily mean game over. You may have to attain out a few times earlier he feels set up to talk, or you may have to await until your next review. Let him know your door is open up and allow him his correct to cull.

If, on the other mitt, your dominate accepts, accept the next steps.

Seek Mutual Purpose

Go far your master goal to uncover some common ground. What do you both care about? I'll assume he wants you to do skillful work and that you want to do good piece of work. Can you find common footing with regard to the performance review?

"I'd like to know where you're coming from. Information technology would assistance me if we can get on the same page, then I want to know how you see performance reviews. What's their purpose in your view, and what do you lot promise to attain with them?"

Seek Some Basis Rules

After yous've identified a shared goal, suggest some ground rules to reduce the run a risk of miscommunication. Even if your boss is following a formal procedure, it should allow for some advice guidelines.

Hither are three suggestions.

1. Focus on Facts. Ask him to share concrete examples and facts surrounding your performance. For example, "disengaged" is an interpretation of behavior; showing up late to work every day is a fact. And commit to using facts yourself. If he shares feedback y'all want to contest, do and then with data.
2. Describe Gaps. Ask him to connect the dots from your behavior to articulate standards or expectations. "I call back I can brand ameliorate progress if you lot could take a little actress time to explain why my performance is considered below average and describe what average or practiced operation looks similar. Can we do that?"
3. Request Transparency and Time. Finally, going forward, ask for forthright feedback on your first coming together and see if he'll concord to a second coming together to review things earlier paperwork is filed. Explain y'all would like a couple days to procedure his feedback before embracing it.

You Can Practise It

Notice all these tips combined put the onus on you lot. Nothing I've said will empower you to change your boss's behavior or heed. But when nosotros show up differently, others reply differently.

I often say that the skills of Crucial Conversations, when demonstrated, expect similar taking the loftier route. And while taking the high road can be difficult, it will atomic number 82 y'all higher.

Expert luck,
Ryan

PS. Here are two more than manufactures on the subject field that you might notice helpful.

• The Fundamental to Giving and Receiving Negative Feedback
• How to Exist Resilient in the Face up of Harsh Criticism

Contributor

"A single insight can alter the course of your life."

Ryan Trimble is a writer with published profiles, essays, and journalism. He holds a bachelor'southward in philosophy and has worked equally a copywriter, production designer, and editor for Crucial Learning since 2017.

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Source: https://cruciallearning.com/blog/angry-with-your-boss-over-a-bad-performance-review-heres-what-you-should-do/

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